Let’s Give It Up

24 Apr

Clap, Bitches, Clap!

Some American comedians are known for doing a lot of cheerleading. Instead of telling jokes to get people going they fill their time on stage by getting the crowd to clap for things. It goes like this: ‘Hey, let’s give it up you guys are awesome tonight. Come on you bastards, let’s give it up!’ Or, ‘come on guys, let’s give it up for the ladies! Yeah ladies! Let’s give it up guys.’ You start to wonder where the joke telling comes in, or what their impression of their art is. I’ve heard lots of different things that crowds- who are there to laugh- are supposed to give it up for. But the other day I heard by far the dumbest, most ridiculous one that leads me to believe that the whole ‘let’s give it up’ business needs to stop. A female comic whose name I’ve forgotten put out a movie of a show she did in her hometown of D.C. When she came out she did the typical strutting around the stage and doing the whole ‘Oh yeah, D.C.! Let’s hear you!’ crap. Then she says, ‘I have so much makeup on right now it’s crazy. Let’s give it up for my makeup!’ I had to stop watching immediately. Clapping for makeup- what the hell? I have an idea. Let’s not give it up for makeup, let’s not give it up for the ladies, or the waitresses or the crowd or the city. Comedians should tell jokes and get applause for them and not generate false applause just for appealing to people’s desire to clap for makeup.

What the hell. Let’s Give It Up for:

Those coffee cup holders. Not our hands, those sleeves. What would we do without them?
Paper. Even though its going out of fashion. What if we didn’t have paper?
Water. Making beer would be difficult without water.
Animals who run under our wheels. It saves us the trouble of finding them and killing them.
Broth. Without it noodle soup would just be plain noodles.
Fire. Cause without it Arthur Brown wouldn’t sing about it.
Fingernails. How else we would pick the food stains off our shirts?
Ideas. What if no one had any ideas? Would we still have thoughts?
Logan’s Run. Seriously, that is a great movie.
The fact that the 1980s are past.
Stupid people. Who else would we get pissed at and make fun of?
Each other. Without each other we would be rambling bags of shit.
Religion. Without it we might actually be happy and at peace.
Eyesight. Without it we wouldn’t see people tripping and falling on their faces in public.
Farting. Because then no one would accidentally do it in public and be embarrassed.

This could go on forever…

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Posted by on April 24, 2011 in Musings


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