There’s a Country music song with a chorus that goes,”God is great, beer is good…people are crazy.” No shit.
Monthly Archives: June 2011
If you watch American TV long enough, you will eventually see someone announce their intention to run for public office. And people will cheer.
Following the conviction of the first female to commit crimes against humanity during the Rwandan genocide, the entire human race is now considering mass suicide to extinguish the enigmatic and popular species. Said one humanoid, ‘if we can’t even take care of each other, really, then what’s the point? No one is living because they are in love with granite or hockey or gold or whatever. We are in love with people who are in love with those things. And yet, we kill each other or screw each other over at such a rate that renders our existence meaningless. It makes one wonder why we keep this going…’ In an ironic twist, some religious business leaders have been the staunchest opponents to this species-wide suicide.
If you watch American TV long enough, you just may find yourself watching a tall, made-up, “plastic” blonde standing over her dog yelling at it to take a shit already. This is an American TV Reality.
Searching for ever-evolving ways to reach young voters, 2012 presidential candidates have collectively decided to deliver their campaign speeches using Power Point presentations. With pie charts. Said one candidate, ‘we figured that to really speak to the voting youth of today, we needed the help of Power Point. This way, we figure we can really communicate to our young constituents in the way they are accustomed to learning. And yes, we will be using pie charts and we will be breaking up lengthy combinations of words with short, relevant YouTube clips.’ This move is the latest in a series of techniques to reach young voters that started with then-potential governor of Texas, george bush junior doing beer bongs and snorting coke with would-be voters at backyard barbeques.
This is a post where I explore certain facets of our collective cultures that shed some light on the singularity of our beliefs and actions. Basically, this is shit that only human beings would think up.
Only human beings would think of their incredible existence as a crime against itself.
Only human beings would popularize an adult entertainer known as ‘Kid.’
Only human beings would take this world– beautiful and terrifying as it may be– as merely a stepping stone to a world or two that no one has ever actually seen.
Only human beings would think they each have ‘the answer’ and that everyone else was full of shit. And probably needed to die.
Only human beings would remove parts of the sexually stimulating organs of one sex just to protect the organ-fear of the opposite sex.
Only human beings would think of the best possible scenario as ‘utopian’.
Only human beings would explain helping one another by thinking ‘what’s in it for me?’
Only human beings would feel indecent showing their skin.
Only human beings would sell rocks as pets.
Only human beings would come up with a ‘spare-parts’ technology.
Only human beings would feel inspired to write about what only human beings do or think.
Only human beings would wonder ‘who put the bop in the bop-shoo-bop-shoo-bop?’