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Monthly Archives: July 2011

Your Daily Sports Cliche

We have high expectations for him, but he has high expectations for himself. And that’s a good thing. He should have high expectations for himself. He’s a good player.

 
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Posted by on July 31, 2011 in Randomness

 

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I’d Like To Thank You

How come when people say something like, “I want to thank everyone for this prestigious award,” they never actually thank those people they want to thank? They merely say they want to thank them. What they should probably say is “I want to thank everyone for being here to witness my outstanding achievements in the face of social adversity and my constituents’ mediocrity: Thank You!”

Let the people who you want to thank know that you thank them!

 
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Posted by on July 31, 2011 in Musings

 

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Your Daily Sports Cliche

After someone makes a nice play: You can hang a star on that one…

Fuck Yeah. Right Back at You, Darth.

 
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Posted by on July 30, 2011 in Randomness

 

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Your Daily Sports Cliche

To be the best, you have to beat the best.

 
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Posted by on July 29, 2011 in Randomness

 

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Your Daily Sports Cliche

He’s just going about his business, and that’s to be expected.

 
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Posted by on July 28, 2011 in Randomness

 

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As American As…

That shit’s as American as puking in the kitchen sink
That shit’s as American as kissing your first cousin
That shit’s as American as calling your mother a whore
That shit’s as American as telling your dad to fuck off
That shit’s as American as participating in your own degradation
That shit’s as American as eating until you puke
That shit’s as American as picking your nose while driving
That shit’s as American as pulling my finger
That shit’s as American as having cosmetic surgery to look like famous strangers
That shit’s as American as keeping it in the family
That shit’s as American as publicizing and celebrating gluttony
That shit’s as American as Louis L’Amour
That shit’s as American as conceiving a child in the backseat of Ch’vy
That shit’s as American as doing chocolate cake shots in front of your children at lunch
That shit’s as American as scratching your balls in public
That shit’s as American as driving without any pants on
That shit’s as American as running backwards and naked through a corn field
That shit’s as American as Celine Dion
That shit’s as American as wiping your snot on your shirt sleeve
That shit’s as American as escaping conviction
That shit’s as American as watching a kid stick a fork in an electrical socket
That shit’s as American as America

 
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Posted by on July 21, 2011 in Randomness

 

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‘That’s What I Always Say…’

You’ve heard someone say that before. Usually they say it after some small bit of insight or a kind of philosophical reflection. You know, a friend keeps falling into lousy, somewhat abusive relationships with no staying power and this person will wax something like, ‘well, you know, you can’t save your teeth for eating a donut. Least, that’s what I always say.’ But when do they actually say that thing except when they follow it up by saying, ‘that’s what I always say.’ Oh really? I don’t think so. They don’t always say it. They don’t even frequently say it. Otherwise,when they did say the thing people around them would nod their head– either in disgust or agreement– and say, ‘yeah, that’s true. I’ve heard him/her say that every possible chance he/she’s had for the past two years, and still no one knows what the hell a donut has to do with anything.’ So next time someone says, ‘that’s what I always say,’ call them on it. Say, ‘really? when? When do you say that, except for right now?’ Let’s bring these people down a notch…

 
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Posted by on July 15, 2011 in Musings

 

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