Boston- In a classy, heartbreaking move representative of a once fulfilling and promising relationship on the verge of total collapse and despair, the Boston Red Sox have just announced that “Not Dark Yet” off of the album Time Out of Mindby the folk poet Bob Dylan has officially become the official team song for the 2012 Boston Red Sox.
In a move that could only be an attempt by the team to class up their abysmal act in 2012, they have decided to hit their fans right in their heart strings with the moving love-lost ballad by Mr. Dylan. In fact, the lyrics of the song tie so closely together with the forgetful, regretful season by the Red Sox that General Manager Ben Cherington could not help but see the obvious comparisons and pull the trigger to make the song representative of the 2012 Sox.
Said Mr. Cherington, “If you listen to the song from the first verse to the last, it’s like it really speaks about our team. I mean, dig this: shadows are falling/and I been here all day. That’s like the dog days of summer, right? When we’re not winning and everything sucks and we can’t wait to get out of here. Okay, now this: It’s too hot to sleep/ and time is running away/ Feel like my soul has turned into steel/ I’ve still got the scars that the sun didn’t heal. I mean, come on, how can that not be us? It’s too hot to sleep this time of year because of the weather but its also too hot because of the pressure. Time is running away; the season is ending and we are going nowhere and because everything has sucked the whole year my soul is turning into steel because the grim reality of our future is setting in. Fucked up, right? Ok. The scars that the “sun” didn’t heal. The scars are just like all the injuries that have plagued us this year. It’s crazy. We’ve had 26 players go on the DL 30 times! I particularly think this scar passage refers to Carl Crawford, but it could also relate to the emotional scars of Youkilis and Pedey and Ortiz. And the entire month of September of 2011 now that I think of it!
Hang with me now. Dylan says: my sense of humanity has gone down the drain/ Behind every beautiful thing there’s been some kind of pain. Well, come on, who in the last 11 months hasn’t seen their humanity go down the drain on account of our piss-poor play and management. And behind every beautiful win streak we’ve had this year there’s been a painful losing streak to go along with it. It’s been uncanny, really.
Ok, moving along. I was born here and I’ll die here/ Against my will. This sounds just like Red Sox Nation. Think of all the fans, not just after the losing years and everything, but this year when the game just starts. I mean, its baby-fresh and we are already losing. This is our fate, folks. I know it looks like I’m moving/ But I’m standing still. The Sox have looked like they’ve been moving all year, but guess what folks we haven’t and we aren’t. It has seemed this way all year. In fact, as of late we’ve been moving steadily backward.
And lastly: Every nerve in my body is so vacant and numb/ I can’t even remember what it was I came here to get away from. Wow. This says everything. If you’re every nerve isn’t vacant and numb, then you haven’t been paying attention. This has been grueling. And what exactly did I come here to get away from? The Theo years? And what did I get? A manager I didn’t even want? A lousy clubhouse with overpaid, over-hyped, temperamental superstars? No way, folks. I’m lost, so are you. Let’s sit back and enjoy this heart-rendering ballad by Bob Dylan and try to move on together. That’s the only thing we can do. Because by the time this is published, it is definitely dark enough. It has already gotten there.”