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Monthly Archives: October 2012

Your Daily Sports Cliche

Here’s a guy that goes out there and silences the other team for most of the game.  Throws up a bunch of goose eggs.  You know, and we’re not talking about your Roy Halladay’s, your CC Sabathia’s, your Matt Cains. I mean, this kid has come out of nowhere.  But he has a command about him that he just belongs there.  You know, and he’s giving his team a chance to win.  And that’s all you can ask for.

 
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Posted by on October 11, 2012 in Musings

 

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Cooch in a Can

During induction examinations for World War II, potential servicemen were screened to detect any possible evidence of homosexuality.  Whereas homosexual practices had once been forbidden, they were trying to keep homosexuals out of the armed services altogether.  Some factors that might tip off examiners as to the sexual orientation of the men included feminine distribution of pubic hair, effeminate gestures, and a “gag reflex” test.  They were worried that “true homosexuals” (those who played the woman’s part) would tempt or lead astray those otherwise heterosexual men.  At the same time, there was a major backlash against “easy” women and prostitutes to prevent VD’s.  Apparently, a guy wasn’t supposed to get any kind of satisfaction unless it was within the confines of the familial structure.  So, I thought of a solution.  Obviously, I’m about 70 years too late.  But here goes.

World War II advertisement:

Hey Ladies…while your man is off at war away from your loving charms, rest assured that he wont’ be drunkenly balling any of his army mates or any VD-ridden syph whores. That’s because he will have his government issued “Cooch in a Can.”

That’s right. Each soldier will be issued a “Cooch in a Can” to screw the living bejesus out of while we slay fascism in this great and terrible war. But don’t worry ladies. Each soldier can personalize his can by writing your name on it. Or, better yet, he can simply send you the blank sticker included with each can and you can leave your loving lip marks on it and send it back. That way he can think of your loving ways while he’s pumping his “Cooch in a Can.”

“Cooch in a Can”
Fuck While You Fight

 
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Posted by on October 11, 2012 in Randomness

 

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Oakland Athletics Defy Expectations, Sell-Out Coliseum

RoyCoup Sports Press- The Oakland Athletics surprised the baseball world yesterday by selling out the Oakland Coliseum en route to winning the AL West Division Title.  It was the first time all season that the A’s accomplished the feat made all the more surprising given the fact that they did not even have an outfield cast assembled late into the offseason and have had numerous personnel changes throughout the team.

A’s right fielder Josh Reddick had this say about the sell out after beating the Rangers on Wednesday afternoon: It’s great. I mean, from the top down in the his organization everyone had each others back. We all believe in each other and we knew at some point that we’d be able to sell this place out. It took 162 games, but we made it. There were some rough patches, but we weren’t going to put our tail between our legs and run for cover. We battled. We sold out the Coliseum. It just speaks to the character of this ball club.”

The sell-out brought 36,067 fans to the Coliseum which is technically not a sell out since the stadium can fit up to 150,000 people, but everyone around baseball understands that this counts as a sell out. It’s an amazing feat for this young Oakland club, who at times featured somewhere around 1,600 fans, tourists and the homeless at the park. Ownership expects great attendance throughout the playoffs before going back to practically paying fans to come to the park again next year.

 
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Posted by on October 4, 2012 in Musings

 

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Daily Sports Cliche (Bobby Valentine Edition)

Bobby Valentine has been fired by the Red Sox! Finally the Sox made the move everyone knew was coming. Adios! Maybe Michael Kay could give him a job. So, here we go. The Bobby Valentine firing cliche.

Well, ownership decided they wanted to go another route.  They know what they have with me but they feel like there is someone else out there better for the job.  That’s the short and end of it.  Regrets?  Mmm, besides the two I named yesterday, no.  This is all a part of life.  This is my journey and I’ll move on from here.  It was a great experience, a great learning experience.  I wish it had gone differently, but that’s life.

GONE!

 
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Posted by on October 4, 2012 in Musings

 

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Your Daily Sports Cliche (Miami Dolphins Edition)

It was a tough loss.  But we’ve got another game on the books.  And we’ve gotta be ready. We’ve gotta be game.  So we’ll go back and review the tapes, see what we did wrong, and correct the mistakes.  Come out next week guns a’blazin’.

 
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Posted by on October 3, 2012 in Musings

 

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